No honesty is as brutal as honesty with self about self. Before I can be honest with God, I must be honest with me. I can lie to myself—easily! I can justify myself—easily! I can excuse my behavior—easily! Honesty about me to me is challenging! To be bluntly honest with God about me is difficult! Honesty with God must begin with honesty about self!
My voice of desperation cried out to God. “I am up to my neck in flood waters, and I cannot find solid footing. I have cried out for help until my exhausted throat is raw! My eyes are swollen shut as I cry and wait for Your deliverance.
“Those who hate me want me to die. My many enemies have no pity on me—they would not help me if they could! They do all in their power to make my situation worse by misrepresenting me!
“God, You accurately know sinful, stupid me! Do not let me damage Your relationship with other righteous people. Do not allow them to be subjected to humiliation and insult because of me. May I not cause them shame and humiliation. (Even my own family pretend they do not know me!)
“The more I show commitment to You, the greater the contempt I encounter. All attempts to be humble before You encounter ridicule and mockery. I am the subject of derision and laughter among the least respected!
“Please know, God, I am never ashamed of You. Please rescue undeserving me!”
Honesty with self about self is hard but necessary!
Link to other Writings of David Chadwell